Who Woulda Thunkit?
I’m Really a Liberal
By Michael P. Tremoglie
Tremoglie’s Tea Time

I just realized I am a liberal.

This revelation came to me after reviewing the issues a certain liberal candidate for office outlined. On every issue she listed I found I was in concurrence.

I think you too will come to the same conclusion. Here is the list of the issues (in bold and italicized):

Pro-choice?

You bet! I completely concur. I think people should have the choice to send their kids to parochial or private schools just like many public school teachers, Democratic Party politicians, feminists, and New York Times’ journalists do.

Anti-death penalty?

Absolutely! Once again total concord. I don't think a baby in its ninth month should be executed.

Civil unions?

Sure thing! I think all unions should be civil. There would probably be less divorces if they were. Besides less divorces means less welfare programs.

Gun control?

Indubitably! I know one definitely needs to control the gun when shooting an intruder.

Redefine families?

You got it, dude. The only time northeastern liberal newspapers use the word family is to describe the mob.

Eliminating prayer in schools?

Forgettabout it. If kids studied like they should they wouldn't have to pray before exams.

Separation of church and state?

Absolutely!!! As it is right now, religious institutions – especially parochial and other religious schools - are subsidizing public school districts across the country. If all those students in religious schools were sent to public school, every school district in the United States would have to triple their taxes to pay for the influx. Parents of students who go to private religious and parochial schools are subsidizing school districts and therefore are paying an indirect tax. This is unconstitutional!

Freedom of dissent?

Right on! Conservative students and faculty should be allowed to express their beliefs.

Affirmative action?

No doubt about it. The ACLU, NOW, and the Sierra Club should hire black executive directors immediately. The ABC, NBC, MSNBC, CNBC news anchors, as well as the Managing Editors of the New York Times, Washington Post and Vanity Fair should be replaced by blacks, Asians, Hispanics, and women.

No limits for lawsuits?

You know it. I think lawyers should be sued every time they file one of those frivolous lawsuits.

Rehabilitation for criminals?

Unquestionably! I think judges who place dangerous criminals on probation should be sent to a prison facility to be rehabilitated.

Equal Rights for Women?

Undeniably, women should have to prove that they should be awarded custody of kids in divorce cases just like men do.

More social programs?

Certainly! The greatest social program a nation can provide for its citizens is to keep them safe and free.

It is amazing that all this time I was a liberal and did not know it. Realizing what we have in common, I want to invite my fellow liberals to join me and work together to make this country truly a place where everyone can thrive and be free.

Michael P. Tremoglie can be contacted at elfegobaca@comcast.net